Roma Tomatoes
by HiddenBlade
Summary: Octavian had had enough of the Greeks. Their filthy ways and their stupid gods. He hated it. So he did the worst possible thing he can think of. Yes, he put Roma tomatoes in their Greek salad. A bunch of incidents where our least favorite character has bad experiences with Greek Campers.
1. Roma Tomatoes

**Octavian had had enough of the Greeks. Their filthy ways and their stupid gods. He hated it. So he did the worst possible thing he can think of. Yes, he put Roma tomatoes in their Greek salad. A bunch of incidents where our least favorite character tries to sabotage Greek campers.**

 **Inspired by gluten elbows and Ratatouille (Don't ask). Please review!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own PJO**

 **Roma Tomatoes**

Octavian gnashed his teeth in frustration. Peace had corrupted the Roman campers. Ever since the war, the campers had been going back and forth. He had been stuck in this miserable, disgusting Camp-Half for a week now.

His only comfort was his teddy bears, and he had killed the last one yesterday. Worst of all, he couldn't kill any of those Greek campers because Reyna wouldn't let him! They would have made an amazing sacrifice to Apollo! (Actually Greek blood might be a little dirty)

One of the new campers ran up to him, nervous, since everyone had seen Octavian smashing things to the ground the entire day.

"R-Reyna wants to see you at t-the dining pavilion" the camper said and then ran away.

Octavian smiled smugly. After all, he WAS a scary person. Maybe, he could scare those Greeks with his big muscles. Maybe flex his buttocks a little. Yes, that would definitely work. After all, No one could compete against a body like his. " _Those Greeks will pray to me after seeing my perfect body, and forget about those filthy gods."_

Octavian walked off thinking about his sexiness and meanwhile, the forgotten Reyna was getting more and more furious at the missing Octavian.

Octavian sauntered through the dining pavilion hours later for dinner,only to find a fuming Reyna. He then remembered what the camper had told him earlier, and realization spread through his face.

"YOU BLITHERING IDIOT! I'VE BEEN WAITING THIS ENTIRE TIME AND YOU COME TWO HOURS..." Reyna started. However, Octavian once again got distracted.

" _Had she been waiting all this time for all this time? Hmm..maybe that's a sign I should make a move on her. After all, she had already been rejected twice and is probably desperate for me. Plus, I am better than the two traitors."_ Octavian thought.

"YOU COME WHEN I TELL YOU TO, UNDERSTAND!?" Reyna screamed.

Octavian grinned at her. "I don't think I can always control it baby. But by all means, we can try tonight."

Reyna stood there, astonished. "Excuse me?"

"That's right, sugar cakes. You and me, tonight in the guest cabin." Octavian said, still smiling.

Reyna's face turned redder and redder, and from behind her, Argentum and Aurum, came out snarling.

" _Wasn't that what she wanted?"_ Octavian thought, backing away from the dogs.

With a flick of her hand, the red-faced Reyna sent her dogs to attack Octavian.

"NOOO!" Octavian screamed. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Reyna smiled as she saw Octavian's face. "I think you'll get the message after this, Octavian." she said. And she walked out of the pavilion, leaving the dogs with Octavian.

* * *

Octavian laid on the ground, groaning. Holy Jupiter, his body hurt so bad. Stupid Greeks. This was all their fault. Octavian got up and started towards the big house to cook for himself. He would never EVER touch Greek food. BARF. How Reyna and the others put that garbage in their mouth he didn't know.

On the way, Octavian saw the kitchen and inside, there was many trays of Greek salad that had yet to be finished as there were no tomatoes, and no one in there. Perfect.

Octavian rushed back to his room and got out the Roma tomatoes he had been using. Normally, he wouldn't let any one have his food, but this was the final way to destroy the Greeks. The secret weapon. Roma tomatoes.

Octavian quickly chopped the tomatoes up, dumped the pieces into the trays of salad, and ran out in seconds. No one had seen him or so he thought

 _An hour later..._

Percy stuffed the salad into his as mouth after sacrificing some. But it tasted a little different..

Percy walked over to the Athena table.

"Annabeth." She didn't hear him, as she was talking.

"ANNABETH!" Nope. "ANNABETH, ARCHITECTURE IS A PIECE OF DOG-" She turned as she heard what Percy has said. Her eyes narrowed.

"What Percy?" she asked.

"Ummm..do the tomatoes taste a little strong to you?" Percy asked, holding out his bowl of salad.

Annabeth stared. "Really? You came all the way from your table, interrupted me, dissed architecture, to ask if the tomatoes tasted different?!"

"Yes?..." Percy replied.

Angry, Annabeth took Percy's bowl then stabbed the salad with the fork. She got a handful of tomatoes and shoved them into her mouth, chewing rapidly. Her eyes widened.

"Seaweed Brain, you're right about something for once. Could it be your dad is actually the god of tomatoes?"

Percy scowled at Annabeth. "Shut up."

"But wait. These are Roma tomatoes. We strictly forbid Roman food because the gods don't like it. Which means the Romans..." Annabeth got even more angry.

She walked up to Reyna and showed her the salad. "Seriously Reyna, why'd you put Roma tomatoes in the salad?!"

Reyna's eyes narrowed. THAT'S why Octavian had been in the kitchen. Oh he wanted another round all right.

"Octavian."

She took her dogs and went to the Big House, where Octavian was eating dinner.

"Hey, Octavian." Reyna said. The augur looked up at her. "I know you didn't have anything to do with this, but the Greeks found ROMA tomatoes in their food. You know who put it?"

Octavian stuttered, eyes wide in surprise. "U-Umm, I think it was Dakota, YEAH D-DAKOTA! Definitely not me though."

Her eyes narrowed. "Really? Because I saw you walking out of the kitchen an hour ago, and you would never go near Greek stuff without a reason."

Octavian cowered in fear. "NO...NOT AGAIN!"

With another a snap of her fingers, Reyna set the dogs on Octavian. He ran out of the room, terrorized.

Hopefully this wouldn't happen a third time.

 ** _Review, or Octavian will be eaten by the dogs!_**


	2. Ravioli, Oil, and a Body

**Happy early Thanksgiving, all you guys!**

 _zejaykay_ _: Thanks for the first review on this story! I'm glad you found my story to be funny. Most people are like "Seriously? That's not funny." And as for your idea, I'll gladly write a chapter about that! Hope you have a very happy thanksgiving!_

* * *

 **Another failed attempt at the Greeks. Octavian was livid. Were tomatoes not the answer? Maybe... once again..his body. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own PJO**

 **Ravioli, Oil, and a Body**

Stupid Greeks.

Octavian stood at the Big House, all the campers gathered around him.

"Today, I have something very special for you Greeks." Octavian said, smirking. "It involves a body of a Roman god BEHOLD!.."

Octavian slowly took off shirt, anticipating the reaction of the Greeks. Instead of awe-struck faces, the Greeks burst into laughter.

"You wanna strip for us, kid?" One camper said, unable to control his laughter. "You don't have anything to show, really."

 _Maybe if he took off more..._

Furious, Octavian stuck his thumbs into his pants and pulled those down as well.

"JEALOUS YET, GREEKS?"

Most of the campers fell down onto the ground, shaking with laughter and faces turning red. Another camper asked "I thought we were a supposed to be looking at a god, not a twig."

That was it. It might seem embarrassing now, but if Octavian had to go all out to show those Greeks than so be it. He started on his boxers and-

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, NIMWIT?!" Reyna screamed from behind him. "THERE ARE KIDS IN THIS FREAKING CAMP, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!"

"It's n-not what it looks like, Reyna." Octavian stuttered. The Greeks were about to DIE from laughter at this point. Octavian's eyes glanced nervously at the dogs next to Reyna, and what seemed to be the millionth time, Reyna snapped her fingers. Her eyes narrowed at Octavian. "This is too many times, Octavian. Grow up."

Octavian however, was too busy screaming and running away from the dogs to listen to Reyna.

* * *

"Stupid Greeks...always stupid...idiotic.." Octavian grumbled to himself. He sulked to the dining pavilion once again, to... _*shudder*_ apologize to the Greeks. Reyna had forced him to say sorry to all the Greeks during dinner.

Great. Now he was hungry as he didn't have time to make any food.

Octavian stood at the Zeus table, where Jason sat, wearing a grin that made Octavian want to rip Jason's head off.

"Dear Greeks, I am very sorry you had to see my sexin-" Reyna glared at him from the back. "-I-I mean very inappropriate things today. I will never do that again."

Octavian walked away, humiliated. His stomach rumbled. He needed to make dinner fast. Luckily, he had a spare box of ravioli. Octavian went through the little cabinet he had been given at the House and pulled out a new box of Bistro's Ravioli.

He read the instructions on the back.. "Boil the ravioli for a few minutes and gently sprinkle oil (*Canola Oil provided) afterwards and toss the ravioli.". Perfect. Octavian let the ravioli boil in the pot..and after a few minutes took out the pot. He took out the little jar of oil given, and followed the instructions, sprinkling the oil, and tossing the ravioli. The smell of the ravioli caused Octavian's stomach to rumble, and he clenched his teeth in temptation.

Finally..he got to eat.

Octavian stabbed the first piece of ravioli with a fork and as he he put it in his mouth, something about the jar of oil caught his eye. That delta sign...Octavian grabbed the jar and read the label.

OLIVE OIL IMPORTED FROM GREECE.

" _NO! NO! NOOOO!"_ Octavian screamed in his head. The ravioli got lodged in his throat, and he began coughing. Octavian saw a flash from the window and he turned red. He couldn't say anything because he was still coughing.

Stupid Greeks.

Octavian had never noticed the box of ravioli had been opened on re-taped on the bottom...

* * *

 **Stolls POV**

Connor and Travis snuck into the Big House. This was the perfect way to screw with Octavian. Travis waited for Connor as he switched out the canola oil with olive oil, knowing Octavian would make a huge fit.

"Connor, hurry up! He's coming!" Travis whispered-screamed.

"I'm almost done. Hope he notices at the right time." replied Connor. "Done!"

Connor and Travis ran to the back where the window was to set up the camera.

They could hear Octavian reading the instructions. And then the choking. Octavian turned redder by the minute. Snickering, Connor started recording it on his phone while Travis took a bunch of pictures.

 _Perfect blackmail..._

* * *

 **Sorry if the chapter was short/bad. This week was terrible. Someone stole my phone at school, and both my grandmother and mother were in the emergency hospital, but they're fine now. Leave a review plz!**


	3. Chimichangas and Fish Sauce

**Hope yall are enjoying the story!**

 _ResidentofCabin6: Thank you for the amazing review! As for your sweatshirt idea, I would be glad to do that! Hope you have a wonderful day!_

 _Guest (1): I'm glad you like this story! Keep reading!_

 _Guest (2 and 3): Thanks! People don't usually find my sense of humor funny at all :(. I'm glad some people do!_

 **Enjoy! (Dedicated to zehkayjay)**

* * *

"Zhang." Connor said.

Frank turned to the counselors of the Hermes Cabin "Yeah?"

"We've got a nice little video on Octavian for 10 bucks." Travis smirked and pulled out a CD. **(A/N For all you high tech kids that think CD's are for gramps and granny, you're spoiled)**

Frank scowled "10 dollars? That's a little too much. I'll give you 5."

Connor and Travis looked at each other and said simultaneously, "We'll take what we can get."

"It's a deal then." Frank said, pulling out 5 dollars. He gave it to the Stolls, and in return, they gave him a CD.

"We have a question, too." said Travis and Connor

"How come you aren't green and ugly? I thought that's what children of Mars are supposed to look like." Travis asked.

"Can you turn into a Martian?!" Connor asked.

Frank's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?" he growled. Once again at the same time the twins said, "You're excused." and ran off.

 _Idiots._

Time to see what was on the CD...

* * *

The Seven cracked up watching the video. Octavian was the dumbest idiot they had ever seen.

"Seriously he choked on olive oil?" Leo asked. "I know he hates the Greeks, but freakin olive oil?! He's insane."

And right then Octavian walked in. His eyes went from the Seven laughing uncontrollably to the projector where he was shown choking on ravioli. And by every passing second his face got redder. The Seven stopped and stared at Octavian. So Octavian did the smart thing. He ran out of the Big House, cursing the Greeks. Meanwhile, the Seven burst into another fit of laughter at Octavian's stupidity.

"GREEKS!" Octavian cursed to himself. Oh, he would get revenge all right. Today was CHIMICHANGA night. And he had the perfect plan to ruin it.

Octavian and a kid of Somnus (the Roman Hypnos, god of sleep) gathered their things and went to the kitchen where the kids of Demeter and Dionysus were cooking dinner.

"Greek cooks!" Octavian announced. "As repentance of my previous actions, I will cook dinner for all the Greeks tonight."

"No need." One camper said. "All we have to do is add the chili sauce to the chimichangas."

"No, no, no!" I can do that for you, it's all right why don't you go rest!" Octavian replied smugly. Then, the Somnus kid made all the Greeks fall asleep with a snap of his finger.

"Thank you for your services, son of Somnus. When this war with the Greeks is over, you shall be rewarded greatly." Octavian said.

"No prob." The Somnus kid replied and walked away.

Octavian immediately took out his bag of fish sauce bottles. This was it. HIS FINAL PLOT OF REVENGE! EXTRA HOT FISH SAUCE LOADED WITH GREEN CHILIES! MADE IN ROME!

Octavian poured the bottles all over the chimichangas, careful not to step on the Greeks. On the last chimichanga, some of the sauce fell onto his finger. He wiped it away, and put all the bottles in the garbage along with the original chili sauce bottles the Greeks had so they wouldn't realize he had swapped the sauces. Octavian ran out, waiting anxiously for DINNER.

* * *

All the Greek campers were excited. It was chimichanga night, who wouldn't be excited?" They sat at their tables rapidly, hurrying to get their food.

Octavian stood behind a bush with a camcorder, similar to what the Stolls had done to him.

One Greek started stuffing the chimichanga in his mouth. And in 5 seconds, his face went from normal to redder than red peppers. Octavian started laughing so much, his sides hurt. He wiped his eyes, and instantly regretted it.

Remember that Octavian had dropped fish sauce on his finger? And that it was extra hot? And that he never washed his hands? Wiping his eye with that hand wasn't the best idea.

Octavian ran into the dining pavilion, screaming "MY EYES! MY EYES!". The Greeks jeered at him. Even Reyna was laughing. Well, he got what he deserved.

 **Review plz!**


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